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In my room

The usual thing happens today. Arrive from work from the airport; I am now in my room. Seating in the couch. thinking of what’s my next thing to do. Play my piano music, staring at the wall. Bothered to write. But I just can’t compose of any topic. I have so many thoughts that I cannot push through. I guess I am becoming a freak out blogger. If that’s the right term. Step by step I want to write, but the thing that inside my brain just can’t pop out, to express my feelings.  Is this really what I want? Or just having this jealousy of what other people have become through blogging. I read a lot, see a lot, and herd a lot. But why can’t I just learn from them? Is it I am just lacking of some vocabulary in my head? Or just I am so frustrated to write that I cannot write at all. Today when I am at my office desk, I want to be free. I just want to go “outside the box,” outside my comfort zone. To express my feelings without any boss to tell me what should I do? I want to get lost. I want to get wild, is it because I am just becoming so good that  I am now fed up of my life? Am I alone in this world to think this way?

I remember my grandma, when she was a teacher.  When I was young I always ask myself why she is so strict. That perfectionist thing is what she wants. A simple mistake can ruin her day. Remembering the past, that she always tell’s me, Nash; when you grow up you will realize why I am telling you this. And now that I grown up, I just don’t realize everything, instead I am becoming more like her. Is this what life is? When you’re doing the same routine everyday, you just became used to it that one day you wanted to burst out. You became more agitated that sometimes you just want to be alone.  I have so many questions in my mind. And I am still searching for some answers.

In my room, I am all alone. And still I want to do something to become this blog site more productive. I just can’t start. There is my idea of photography, the thought of indulging into a videography and most, the plan of travelling inKorea,JapanandEuropethat all I am waiting for is the time which I will be able to do all of this and manage to post it into this blog.  In my room the place where all my feelings, judgments’,  stance, manner, outlook or what ever you call that come all together that made me seating, in my couch and think again realizing what my life would be.

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Categories: LIFE
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